Cloud9

Even though I know expectations ruin a person's peace of mind, I expect. I expect gifts, care, love and most importantly time. And there are times I have a good control over my mind when I don't really care. That usually happens when I'm busy with work or studying. And I kind of like it. Something to focus on. Care free mind.

It was such a time when you came. I was not thinking about you. I was on my study bubble with music encased inside when you showed up on my doorstep. I was not expecting you. Probably that's why I was on cloud nine. I still am. My heart felt full. But I felt light. I had autumn and spring flowers, leaves and bees buzzing on my mind.

So it's good when you don't expect anything. Because then when you suddenly get something, you can be high on happiness.

Farewell 2015!

2015!

I saw numerous negative memes about this year. And somehow I can relate to that!

One accident, couple of sprains, a fracture and food poisoning : My health graph literally when down like a torn parachute.

Management changed, salary crunch, clubbed boss, empty pockets : Career didn't go as planned.

Death threats, verbal abuses, depression, drained tear ducts, heartbreaks, good-byes : Family and relationships were a fiasco.

But when I delved around my memories and albums, I found really good incidents too :)

Starting with the night outs for Kailash Kher's concert at Nishagandhi festival, thattu dosas, milk Sarbat, car rides to morning beach rides with friends, Kanthari visits, Dream Camp planning, sleepovers, trekking, Meenmutty & Kannur trip and dream camps.

It was a year of firsts - Playing Pool, Stay at a five star hotel, Cocktail party, Heritage walks, Photo walk, met my favourite playback singer, did pottery, risked my career and loved working for the first time in my life. 

I actually did stuff without asking anyone's opinion... just listening to my heart and mind - Applied for PG, rekindled my art and craft hobbies, bought books and well..stuff :D

December was pretty bad for me. Had to cancel two trips I longed for - Bombay and Punjab. I was really broke. Got a rejection mail for the first time after a job interview. Wanted to be somewhere else today (31st December) at least this year unlike the last 25 years! 

But yeah, had a girl's trip to EKM, had fun times with Amma and friends, attended a good concert and ended a broken friendship :)

Looking forward to a fresh start and hoping 2016 would be kind to me :)

Happy New Year!

A Day With The Kids

Intro : Wrote this 8 months before. ummm yeah forgot to post it :P :D

It’s been two month since I joined MAD and today, for the first time, I met the kids. I was in the class with Swathy to arrange the desks and benches for the ECS donor’s event when the kids started coming. They screamed ‘Chechi…’ seeing Swathy and came running and hugged her :) I understood how happy they were to see her.
After they all settled down, Swathy introduced me to the kids. At first I kind of felt awkward as I didn't know what to say and the kids were also shy. They just gave short glances and bowed their head, smiled secretly and looked at each other. But then from here and there I started getting questions like ‘What is your name?’, ‘What are you doing?’, ‘Where is your place?’ etc. After that initial awkwardness I chatted with them as if we knew each other for a long time. They asked about my hobbies, favorite author, my college and what all. It was like viva-shooting questions from all around me. But only difference was this is one viva I really enjoyed :D. One of the girls sang a song for me and it was beautiful. She had a mesmerizing voice.
We conducted a painting competition and it was fun. Some were really interested in drawing and some were more interested in making building with the crayons and crayon boxes ;). Some were happy to pose for pictures and some was terribly shy to face the camera :p. I was scared whether they would get bored after a while. But seeing their happy faces I knew we all made their day brighter. As they bid goodbye and went, a small part of me was feeling blank…wanting to spend more time with them…and must say I felt jealous of the teaching volunteers for getting to teach these wonderful kids. But then hats off for making a difference in their lives :) The happiness I got from spending two hours with them was loads more than getting a new dress or b’day surprise or hanging out with friends.

The only sad part being a FOM intern is I don’t get to interact with the kids always. And today, I must say, it was bliss.

Another Love Story

Something caused me to open my eyes. Everthing was so blurred and I just wanted to retreat to my sleep. But then the smiling face of my husband tardily came into view. "Morning, sweetheart", his low voice filled my heart with so many emotions that it was difficult for me to breathe. I stretched my hands and hugged him tightly, and he caressed my cheek with his stubble-filled chin. I just wanted to stay in that warm cocoon forever.

My memories of meeting him came back to me as if somebody was playing a film inside my head. I still remembered each of the details as if it had happened minutes before...

It was almost 10 pm when I reached the railway station. I was on my way back home after Shif's marriage. If it wasn't for my job I would've stayed a few days more in Bangalore. The train was scheduled to start for TVM at 10.15. So I'd 15 minutes to get myself settled. Found my berth (my compartment was empty,which was a relief), got a bottle of water and a magazine and got comfortable. Though tired, sleep wouldn't catch me before 1 am. So I started reading and the shrill sound of a whistle cut through the silent night. Such a big city, but there was not much rush. Well it was a Tuesday, and obviously nobody would want to go for a holiday. A high-pitched curse reached my ears as the train started moving and I turned my head to locate the source. A tall guy was running towards my coach wearing shades (which seemed weird, because it was goddamn NIGHT time), and a bag carrying about two tonnes of weight. I was surprised at the speed with which he was running. Couldn't see his face clearly though. Saw him jump into the coach and heard the slamming of the door. Heard him panting above the sound of the running train. I returned to my magazine and to my annoyance he came to my compartment. Well, couldn't he see that there were more than half a dozen empty compartments? He removed his shades, gave a smile and I felt as though something was dropped into my stomach. I didn't return his smile. I was too mesmerized by the face behind those shades. He gave a quizzical look with his eyebrows raised because I was making a complete ass out of myself by staring at him with my mouth wide open. His question zapped me out of my trance: "Mind if I join you? I would love to have some company during the trip, but if you want to be left alone, I can get a seat in another compartment". The fused bulb lighted in my mind and I said, "No probs, just...er...you know...err please have a seat" (GOD!!! What a jerk was I?). Again, he gave that puzzled look he gave me before and removed the two tonnes off his shoulder. I returned to my magazine (not reading a single word of it, of course) as he started settling down.

After two or three minutes, I heard a "huff" and saw him stretching his legs and arms, out of the corner of my eyes. My heart skipped a beat when he extended his hand introducing himself, "Hi, I'm Pranav". I shifted in my seat thinking, 'So fast, eh?', but didn't take his hand and said nothing. He started laughing and said, "I assume you're a Malayali. Me too. Can't understand why you girls have a tough time speaking to strangers. I know it's not always safe but do I look dangerous? Yeah I know what you're thinking but believe me I'm not like what you think I am. Okay, atleast you can talk with me right? Most probably you must have read about all the precautionary security instructions regarding theft on trains. I won't offer you anything to drink or eat!" He told all this in one breath and I actually began to smile and gave my hand, saying my name. My arm felt tiny in his huge one and I began to take in every single detail of him though my instincts were clearly screaming at me not to trust his handsome looks. A single stud pierced his left ear, he had a sharp nose and dark eyes. His hair was very messy from his running and he didn't bother to comb it. Well then, not all guys are the same, caring about their hair as if they are the finest of silk threads.
He wore a blue T-shirt and faded jeans and a Fastrack watch like a typical teenager. He looked like a rich kid, but then I thought, if he were one, he would've opted for an A/C coach. As if he read my mind he said, "I prefer to travel in ordinary coaches, you know. At least then I would be able to enjoy the scenery and I love the feeling of wind on my face". I smiled and said, "Yeah, me too". I felt happy thinking that there were guys who enjoyed scenery other than bikes, cars and girls. Ahem! "So what you do?", he asked and I told him about my job and then we began talking freely after sometime. I noticed that he was different from all other guys I'd met before and our views were similar. He loved social work, books, travelling and swimming. I felt as though I was talking with my twin soul.
I never gave my mobile number to strangers, not even to facebook friends. Couldn't understand why I prayed hard that night hoping he'd ask me for my number. But he didn't ask anything about my whereabouts. ANYTHING!!! Either he was decent or didn't find as interesting as how I was drooling about him. It was not fair for a handsome guy to be alone with a desperate single 25 year old girl. Time flew and it was about to be 3 am. But I was wide awake, unlike him, who was yawning between each intake of breath. He yawned and said, "Well I guess you're worn out. I don't wanna keep you awake anymore". Tired? Me? Ha! Fat chance. I could just keep looking at him all night till the early rays of the morning sun hit his face. He kept his bag as a pillow and said, "Good night". I wished him too and lay down, pretending to go to sleep. After his breathing became normal, I stole a glance at him to see him sleeping so peacefully while I was burning inside. Then I don't remember what happened.

The next time I opened my eyes, I saw him leaning against the window,the sunlight pouring in from all sides. "'Morning sunshine. Rise and shine!!!", he said. It took a while for me to register that it was not a dream and it was about to be midday. Oh God! He must have thought what a sleepyhead I was. "Guess I missed the breakfast", I said stretching my arms. "Well I saved you a plate of vadas. I was not sure whether you'd like them but I knew you would be hungry, so I err... you will eat them right?", he asked. I sat staring at him with a bludgeoned look and he started laughing and asked, "Helllloooooo remember me from yesterday?? You're not completely awake, are you?". "No I errr, yeah I'm hungry. I'll freshen up and come.Thanks anyway", I said smiling and went to the loo. I can't forget how happy I was. After eating two of the four vadas (he ate the other two) we chatted for a long time, had lunch, had tea and dinner. Those were the colourful days of my guy-less black-and-white life.

Time flew and it was time for us to say bye. My heart beat like hell. I expected him to ask my no, atleast my e-mail id but oh! The final wave was heartrending. I felt like a stupid dreaming child who dreams about being a Cinderella or Rapunzel. It took a while for me to become myself again. I rejected all the proposals my mother brought for me. I understood that movies had similarities with life. My heart went numb and cold gripped me tightly when I thought about him. . .

One year and three months and four days later, my life changed. I was on my way back from work and it was raining heavily. I was dead tired and after taking the bus ticket I leaned against the cool window of the low-floor(thanks to KSRTC) and fell asleep. After a while I felt water on my right elbow. OH pleasseeee....NOT a leak in this one too!!! I opened my eyes and thought I was still asleep and having a dream about Pranav. But when his wet hands touched my cheek I knew he was beside me for real. "I don't know whether it's the right time but will you marry me?", he asked. I gazed at him like a small baby looking at something new with wonder. My mind and brain were not working simultaneously. One was screaming to say the word "YES" and the other was making me difficult to breath with all the emotion. "Hey", he said in his soothing voice and I replied by kissing him tightly. I knew he got my answer and we hugged and a loud cheer erupted around us. One group covered my closest friends and the next group were full of strange people. It turned out to be Pranav's friends and surprisingly without my knowledge, my friends had been searching for him for the past one year. Ah well! That's what friends are for!

And then meeting each other's parents, fixing the marriage date, inviting people, bachelor parties, shopping for dresses and voila! Within five months, we got married. A few extra things were added to my "favorite" list after that, for example rain, buses...wink! I still go for rides in the low-floor bus, mostly at night, through the endless roads...with someone warm and strong beside me and then my heart says silently to me, 'you are lucky'. . .