Cloud9

Even though I know expectations ruin a person's peace of mind, I expect. I expect gifts, care, love and most importantly time. And there are times I have a good control over my mind when I don't really care. That usually happens when I'm busy with work or studying. And I kind of like it. Something to focus on. Care free mind.

It was such a time when you came. I was not thinking about you. I was on my study bubble with music encased inside when you showed up on my doorstep. I was not expecting you. Probably that's why I was on cloud nine. I still am. My heart felt full. But I felt light. I had autumn and spring flowers, leaves and bees buzzing on my mind.

So it's good when you don't expect anything. Because then when you suddenly get something, you can be high on happiness.

Farewell 2015!

2015!

I saw numerous negative memes about this year. And somehow I can relate to that!

One accident, couple of sprains, a fracture and food poisoning : My health graph literally when down like a torn parachute.

Management changed, salary crunch, clubbed boss, empty pockets : Career didn't go as planned.

Death threats, verbal abuses, depression, drained tear ducts, heartbreaks, good-byes : Family and relationships were a fiasco.

But when I delved around my memories and albums, I found really good incidents too :)

Starting with the night outs for Kailash Kher's concert at Nishagandhi festival, thattu dosas, milk Sarbat, car rides to morning beach rides with friends, Kanthari visits, Dream Camp planning, sleepovers, trekking, Meenmutty & Kannur trip and dream camps.

It was a year of firsts - Playing Pool, Stay at a five star hotel, Cocktail party, Heritage walks, Photo walk, met my favourite playback singer, did pottery, risked my career and loved working for the first time in my life. 

I actually did stuff without asking anyone's opinion... just listening to my heart and mind - Applied for PG, rekindled my art and craft hobbies, bought books and well..stuff :D

December was pretty bad for me. Had to cancel two trips I longed for - Bombay and Punjab. I was really broke. Got a rejection mail for the first time after a job interview. Wanted to be somewhere else today (31st December) at least this year unlike the last 25 years! 

But yeah, had a girl's trip to EKM, had fun times with Amma and friends, attended a good concert and ended a broken friendship :)

Looking forward to a fresh start and hoping 2016 would be kind to me :)

Happy New Year!

Scribbled Note 1.0

He just meant to send a picture of the chocolate on his table. But I had my eyes on the rest of the contents. You can fairly understand about a person by the way he keeps his table. His was organized in a particular order. The contents had a particular symmetry. And, being a lover of symmetry,  I fell in love with him.

We both take the same medicine. All I needed was the symbol from the bottle cap. So, we both will have a single common entity for our entire lifetime. A small dot, taken 365 times a year until we die.

An Archie's carry pack. The familiar multicolored lines peeked at me.

The more I looked, more common items waved at me. A floss, a plastic box and an ink bottle. The smell he has must come from the perfume. Oh! A black box. But mine has jewellery, unlike his paper bits.

The foreign eraser I'm familiar with, but never had the privilege to own one. My favorite soap that I avoid because of its price. The two letters to which he has a great attachment.

This is the closest I have been with his personal space. Maybe I won't see any further from this level. . .

The Hug

I hugged him for the first and last time. There was no quickening of heartbeat or awkwardness. But an unexplained calmness and warmth engulfed me. I was very comfortable at that moment. The hug was a tad bit long. There were no flashing memories of us passing through my closed eyes like how it's in books and movies. I was fully blank and calm. Everything felt contradictory at that moment. My cheeks brushed his warm cheek which had a slight beard. Not wanting to, I moved back without meeting his eyes. The chillness came back as the warmth left my body. 

Wish I had hugged him long before.

A Day With The Kids

Intro : Wrote this 8 months before. ummm yeah forgot to post it :P :D

It’s been two month since I joined MAD and today, for the first time, I met the kids. I was in the class with Swathy to arrange the desks and benches for the ECS donor’s event when the kids started coming. They screamed ‘Chechi…’ seeing Swathy and came running and hugged her :) I understood how happy they were to see her.
After they all settled down, Swathy introduced me to the kids. At first I kind of felt awkward as I didn't know what to say and the kids were also shy. They just gave short glances and bowed their head, smiled secretly and looked at each other. But then from here and there I started getting questions like ‘What is your name?’, ‘What are you doing?’, ‘Where is your place?’ etc. After that initial awkwardness I chatted with them as if we knew each other for a long time. They asked about my hobbies, favorite author, my college and what all. It was like viva-shooting questions from all around me. But only difference was this is one viva I really enjoyed :D. One of the girls sang a song for me and it was beautiful. She had a mesmerizing voice.
We conducted a painting competition and it was fun. Some were really interested in drawing and some were more interested in making building with the crayons and crayon boxes ;). Some were happy to pose for pictures and some was terribly shy to face the camera :p. I was scared whether they would get bored after a while. But seeing their happy faces I knew we all made their day brighter. As they bid goodbye and went, a small part of me was feeling blank…wanting to spend more time with them…and must say I felt jealous of the teaching volunteers for getting to teach these wonderful kids. But then hats off for making a difference in their lives :) The happiness I got from spending two hours with them was loads more than getting a new dress or b’day surprise or hanging out with friends.

The only sad part being a FOM intern is I don’t get to interact with the kids always. And today, I must say, it was bliss.

Music- Ecstasy, love, bliss and passion

Music has always been a passion for me. Though I haven’t learned to sing or play any sort of instruments, I have always admired singers and instrumentalists. I have had loads of friends who were good singers. Maybe that’s why anything related to songs attract me. I love songs that have a good beat, whatever genre it is in. There was a time when I simply liked the songs-filmy ones or albums- just because they were good to hear. Later on I began to give more importance to lyrics. Even if the songs are boring I used to listen just to get the lyrics, some of them which bring out the emotions inside you easily. Then again as time passed on, I began to notice about the voices. I get easily turned on by people with good voices. I don’t remember when it all started but I do remember falling head over heels hearing RJ Rakesh’s voice from Club FM who did a show called Love Bytes. The disappointing thing was they play the same set of songs again and again. But I always tuned in from 10pm to 12pm daily just to hear his voice :P Yeah I know. weirdo!!!

There were times when I got really paranoid about some of the songs (I still do ;) ). That times my ringtone, message tone, alarm tone, favorite playlist etc would consist of that particular song only. I would listen to it about 50 times daily. My status updates in all social networks and messengers would be its lyrics. I Google all available information about the singers, the scenes, the movie, the plot, the composer, the lyricist etc. People say even if you love a song so dearly listening to it after a while bores you. Not me!!! I still listen to my favorite songs over and over again. I thought to list down the songs, the ones I remember, that took me to paranoiac state :D

1. Song: Kangal Irandal

Movie: Subramaniapuram (Tamil, 2008)

Singers: Deepa Mariam, Belly Raj

Lyrics: Yughabarathi

Music: James Vasandhan

Genre: Soundtrack

Cast: Swathi, Jai

*It was when Orkut was in limelight. I didn’t change my status for a very long time :D

2. Song: Pookal pookum

Movie: Madrasapattinam (Tamil, 2010)

Singers: Harini, Roop Kumar Rathod , Andrea Jeremiah, G.V.Prakas

Lyrics: Na.Muthukumar

Music: G.V Prakash (my favorite :* )

Cast: Arya, Amy Jackson

*Friends said its weird to see me wearing t-shirt and jeans and having a classical ringtone for my mobile :P who cares!!!

3. Song: Aaromale

Movie: Vinnaithaandi Varuvaya (Tamil, 2010, though I heard this song on January 2012 only)

Singers: Alphons Joseph

Lyrics: Kaithapram

Music: A.R.Rahman

Genre: Psychedelic rock

Cast: Silambarasan, Thrisha

*Don’t know why my mom and most of the friends didn’t like this song much but it just makes me go crazy, even nowJ. I never understood why Darshana sang this ALL the time (before me hearing the original soundtrack :P ).  She sang the part ‘aaromlee..’ like some crazy rock star. But then I got curious when I listened to one of my friends, Abhay, sang the same song while performing at CET’s Dhwani’12 eastern orchestra competition. After that only I downloaded the song and huff!! Then I knew why she sang all the time :P. I still wonder why my windows didn’t break due to my speaker’s volume :P

An interesting fact about this song is that it was made in just about 4 hours!!!

4. Song: Thaai Thindra Manne (cholan ecstasy and classical version)

Movie: Aayirathil Oruvan (Tamil, 2010, though I heard the song towards the end of 2011 only)

Singers: Vijay Yesudas, Nithyasree Mahadevan, Shri Krishna

Lyrics: Vairamuthu

Music: G.V.Prakash

Cast: Parthiepan, Reema Sen

*One of my friends, Govind, recommended this song along with the song ‘Penmane...’ from the same movie.

5. Song: Muthuchippi poloru

Movie: Thattathin Marayathu (Malayalam, 2012)

Singers: Sachin Warrier, Remya Nambeesan

Lyrics: Anu Elizabeth Jose

Music: Shaan Rahman

Cast: Nivin Pauly, Isha Talwar

*I still remember opening my mouth when I first heard the song in the theatre. It was actually Remya Nambeesan’s voice that captured my attention. It was like haunting and soothing your soul at the same time. Later on only I noticed Sachin’s voice and after that it was about 2-3 weeks of replaying the button again and again :D :P And the scenes are also simply amazing- kudos to the cinematographer. Although I'm not a student of LBS anymore, when I heard Sachin Warrier is coming for the union arts club inauguration, me and my friends woke up early and went to my ex-alma mater, just to hear his voice :P And that's when I heard 'Namosthuthe...' properly when he sang. I didn't notice the song much while watching TM but now. . . Sigh!!! 

6. Song: Namosthuthe

Movie: Thattathin Marayathu (Malayalam, 2012)

Singers: Arun Alat

*And this is my recent crush or I don’t know what to call it. I sleep listening to this ‘devi shuthi’ , wakes up listening to this, currently my alarm tone and ringtone :D. Problem is I’m forgetting to attend calls nowadays :P I feel like getting positive energy listening to this song, bringing all positive thoughts, feeling lighter, and my mind and head feels clean. . . It’s actually Sanskrit with fusion music (I guess that’s what you call it). The English translation along with the lyrics can be found here.


And with that I bow onto you :) Thanks for reading :)

A Rainy Night

Recently I went through my drawers and found many diaries and bits of paper in which I wrote. . . My my! I used to write a lot though half of them are not complete or are just trash. The following one, dated 28/7/10, 11.12pm caught my attention.


      It is pitch black outside the window. The frequency of the rain keeps changing minute by minute. For a while I stood near the window listening to their angry voices. Yes! The downpour was so heavy that I could actually hear it scolding me.


     I drew in a long breath. The smell of earth filled my nostrils. I could feel the plants rejoicing in the rain. The leaves would be void of dust and dirt. The rain purifying them from the inside of its soul. I listened carefully for secret messages from the nature's tears, but I received none. Was that a simple visit? I closed the window and the rain splattered on the window as if they didn't want me to go.


       Do they miss me like I miss my soul?